I want to thank everyone for all the support, prayers, thoughts that so many have been sending me. This really helps with my spirits. For a while I had zero hope. My hope is elevated some. I'm still alive 5 months into this and I feel fine. The chemo is being kind to me. I don't have any nausea, I have some fatigue, and I'm slowly losing my hair.

Back in January I went to the Mayo Clinic for a second opinion. They did an MRI on my chest and abdomen in order to get a better look at the tumors and see how many there were. The hope was to see that there wasn't much spread in the cancer and that I would be a viable candidate for surgery to remove the tumors. Instead what they found was that the cancer has already spread to my liver. There are many large tumors through out my entire liver. This removes all options for surgery including the possibility of a liver transplant. It seems like every time I go in for an exam the news gets worse. The only option for me at this point it is chemotherapy. I've been doing chemo since the middle of January.

During these months I've been really "down" thinking there was no chance of beating this. The first oncologist I saw, whom shall forever be known as Dr Asshole, told me I had 12-16 months to live with or without treatment and basically suggested I not bother with treatment. Since then I've found several specialists at the Mayo Clinic and the U of M Cancer Center. My regular treatments are at the U of M. These oncologists are more optimistic. But so far none of them are saying this is curable, only that I might be able to live a little longer. The rollercoaster of emotions is not describable. Then this Covid-19 virus came along and I'm locked down at home because the chemotherapy is most likely weakening my immune system. It seems like the year 2020 is a race to see what kills me first; Cancer or Covid-19? It's okay to laugh at that. I am. But I'm fighting this cancer and I'm hiding from the virus. Being stuck in my house is driving even more batshit crazy than normal. I've been working from home for the past 10 years so much of this isn't new to me, but I miss getting out of the house/office a few times a week.

My GF and I did plan and paid for a vacation in Florida for this coming June. I have a divot reserved in the sand on the beach for my backside to reside while my toes are in the water. That was before the Covid-19 virus. We're hoping this all clears up before then. This is most likely my last chance at a vacation. I have not had a real vacation like this in nearly 20 years. I've spent too much time working and being "responsible". My main regret is not making more time for a personal life. Trust me, work can spare you for a week every once in a while.

How are you doing? Is the chemo working? Are there any updates? I've been getting these questions since January. I appreciate everyones concern, but I have not answered because I didn't have an answer. Chemo takes time to show results. Waiting is frustrating. Last Friday I had another CT scan to check on the cancer and to see if the tumors are growing, staying the same, or shrinking. With Cholangiocarcinoma less than a third of the patients respond well to chemo and have their tumors shrink or go away. On Monday I found out that I'm in that third. My tumors are shrinking some of them have shrunk a lot. The largest tumor in my liver has shrunk by about 25%. The others have had similar reductions. The tumor in my bile duct has also shrunk by about 25%. That's the good news. So far the chemo is working. Anyone that has had cancer or knows someone that has/had cancer knows that chemo may stop working after a while. Cholangiocarcinoma is a rare and aggressive cancer that has had very little research into it's causes or possible cures.

For now the plan is to keep doing chemo and to get a new scan in a few more months, then rinse and repeat for the foreseeable future. Or until this is somehow "cured" or it kills me.

I'm not dead yet!